The Dork Report - Worst Book Ever Edition

Publishing Department
New 'American Patriot's Bible' sees USA's 'godly roots' via USATODAY.com Books - Top Stories on 7/2/09 WHAT? How the hell did this happen? In the name of love and Grover Cleveland this is just the thing religious zealots need.

"See here Chester? It says right here in this book we's a Christian Nation! That's whut the fella that prints that newspaper for folks who read said. He even checked them facts on the interweb."

Insurance

Ex-executive accuses insurance giant of 'purging' customers via CNN.com Recently Published/Updated on 7/2/09 WHAT? How the hell did this happen? I never would have suspected. I must say thank goodness Wendell Potter is speaking out. Bravo Mr. Potter!

Strange Headlines Department

U.N. nuclear watchdog agency elects new head via CNN.com Recently Published/Updated on 7/2/09 WHAT? How the hell did this happen? Just a new head? What about the rest of the body? Or is the committee a group of bodies somehow connected to one head? And what good would that do?

Mississippi tops U.S. obesity rankings via CNN.com Recently Published/Updated on 7/1/09 WHAT? How the hell did this happen? They missed me!

Civil Rights Department
Racial profiling still a problem in U.S., groups tell U.N. panel via CNN.com Recently Published/Updated on 7/1/09 WHAT? How the hell did this happen? Although not mentioned in the article, might the stage have been set with Sheriff Joe Arpaio's repeated hispanic-targeted roundups of undocumented workers?

Entertainment
Battle Likely Over Jackson Will via NPR Topics: Arts & Entertainment on 7/1/09 WHAT? How the hell did this happen? Michael Jackson is dead? Why was I not informed? And, in the name of peanut butter and Mick Jagger, did no one see this will thing coming?

Read the High Country

Read the High Country: A Guide to Western Books and Films by John Mort

My review

rating: 5 of 5 stars
Another excellent book in the Genreflecting Advisory Series. Yes, the Western has dropped in popularity in the past few years, but there are still classics that every large library should own.



The book is organized into the major sub-genres and then further sub-divided into types of plots. The diversity of the western and its representation of western history is thoroughly examined.



Items of "classic" reputation are clearly marked, as are award-winners and YA-interest titles.



A great addition to any collection development library or fan of the genre


View all my reviews.

The Big Snark-Off - Information and Referral - Lileks Edition

A week or so ago I reviewed the Gallery of Regrettable Food. Oh silly me! I hadn't looked at the main Lileks homepage in years. And oh what I have missed! Started in 1996, the site has grown and grown as Lileks has discovered more and more things to snark on!

This is an incredible time-waster. Going through gallery after gallery of things as varied as WWII propaganda to 1950s and 1960s Stag Magazines, this may be the ultimate snark site! Lilek's home may be a fire hazard due to all this paper, but holy gee, it's worth it!

Let's just look at some of the thousands of examples:

Big Little Books!

"This cover features a waaaay popular Mattel toy, Matt Mason. I had the moon scooters, the transports, everything. (I fully expected to live on the moon myself, eventually.) As a young boy, I was naturally drawn to this cover, which seems to suggest that people will have powerful, incandescent flatulence in the future."

The Gobbler:

"The Rotating Bar made a complete circle every hour and 20 minutes. If you like, you could scoot out from the bar, use your legs and the wheels on the chair to remain in a gobbler-synchronous orbit while everyone else passed you by.

Hey, Hank! Howya doin', Verne? Bob! Good to see you; catch you in an hour-twenty."

My Personal Favorite? Comic Book Covers!

We begin with “Popular Teens” from the early 50s, one of the more incompetent comics ever fed to a printing press. This panel tells it all:

In the background, the Blue Man Group is practicing their “Salute to the Air Force” routine; to the left, a red-haired Ed Grimley dork is picking his nose while his mind goes click-click-click saving up this image for later; in the foreground, an instructor - who has a form of chronic lycanthropy that starts at the wrists and ankles and works its way in – is attempting to show “Miss Gay” how to stand straight up by inflicting irreversible spinal damage.

How Did You Find Me?

Although most of you just link via my facebook links, here is a chart of other ways people found Booktending this June. Excuse the poor formatting. Learning new stuff here

The Big Snark-Off: Migraine Edition

First a sad note:

Our beloved Mr. Nuisance Copper Trout's soul finished with his body this week. We miss him very much. Fortunately, he has relocated to a higher plain of existance and now has even greater powers of guardianship. He is also enjoying some Guy-Time with my late father.

On To The Snarks!

Politics Department

New Biography Examines Rumsfeld's 'Rules' via NPR Topics: Authors on 6/25/09
"Journalist Bradley Graham discusses the successes and failures of former secretary of defense Donald Rumsfeld. Graham is the author of By His Own Rules, a lengthy new biography of Rumsfeld."

Chortle, tee hee. I can't help it. Every time someone says that man's name I laugh. Whatta moron.

Sanford e-mail to mistress: Situation 'hopelessly impossible' via CNN.com Recently Published/Updated on 6/24/09 It's L-U-V luuuuurve for Gov. Sanford. You have to wonder about people like these. Is it so frickin' hard to keep yer underwear on and yer lips to yerself?

Ralph Reed Launches New Values Group: 'Not Your Daddy's Christian Coalition' via PewForum.org All News Feeds on 6/22/09 Ummm...different medium same message?

Closed Clinic Leaves Abortion Protesters at a Loss via PewForum.org All News Feeds on 6/6/09. Yup. Operation Rescue ain't yer Daddy's Operation rescue anymore, either.

Reality TV Department

Christian publisher still plans Kate Gosselin book via USATODAY.com Books - Top Stories on 6/25/09 Oh who the hell cares? Did we not see this train wreck coming?

Welcome home Your Majesty! via Picture Is Unrelated - WTF Pictures by pizzaburger on 6/23/09

Deadly Salem

Deadly Harvest by Heather Graham

My review

rating: 3 of 5 stars
Those Flynn Brothers are cool. And what a team! And how much fun is it to see them begin to accept that there is more to this universe than verifiable fact?



I found this novel slow-going compared to the previous novel in the series. Perhaps the pall of evil surrounding Salem is not to my taste. New Orleans was much more fun. And musicianship did not appear in this novel.



No matter, I'll read the next in the series to see if I like it as well as the first.


View all my reviews.

Nora Roberts does it again!

Vision In White by Nora Roberts

My review

rating: 5 of 5 stars
Mac and her three best friends from childhood live in and on the grounds of one of the women's inherited mansion. They run one of the hottest wedding planner businesses around. Mac is the photographer



Carter is a professor turned high-school teacher. A true academic, he teaches for all the right reasons. He is also endearingly clumsy. And even sweeter than the hero of Tribute.



Thanks to a looney-tunes, needy mother, Mac is afraid to love. Thanks to a failed romance and general uncertaintly, Carter has to learn how to woo.



And woo he does. And win they do. A brilliant beginning to a quartet of contemporary romances by The Nora.


View all my reviews.

Dork Report - Spew Edition

This man is so far out of line I want to shove a flaming pitchfork up his butt and then pummel him with the hockey stick of justice.

In the name of love and Grover Cleveland what kind of father is this? At least I hope it's a father and not some random guy holding a kid's hand. A kid old enough to read.

Reminds me of the time I went to the step's junior high concert and saw a man wearing a t-shirt with the f-bomb on it. What kind of clueless, abusive idjit does these kinds of things?

Yes, abusive. There is no earthly explanation other than he gets off on making people around him squirm. Abusive.

Next:

Senate approves resolution apologizing for slavery via CNN.com Recently Published/Updated on 6/18/09 Why wait so long? So long that the apology seems empty and meaningless? Actually, the dork-factor on this one belongs to any legislative body that didn't do it directly after the Civil War.

Double-Dork:

U.N.: Sudan letting some aid groups return after expulsion via CNN.com Recently Published/Updated on 6/11/09 Well big whoopee-shit to the Sudan. There isn't enough aid in the world to make up for the atrocities committed during this civil war/persecution of the southern half of the country. And wouldn't you know our nemesis/good buddy Osama Bin Laden has been involved in this outrage? Hey U.S.! Tried checking Bin Laden-friendly Sudan for him lately? He just might have left the major oil producing countries for other murderous delights, ya know.

Protester Dorks

Closed Clinic Leaves Abortion Protesters at a Loss via PewForum.org All News Feeds on 6/6/09. Oh poor pigs. Thanks to murder their playground is no more. They'll just have to spread their hate elsewhere.

George Bush

Was Bush on a mission from God? via PewForum.org All News Feeds on 5/28/09. He certainly seems to think so. Thanks for screwing up the country, George.

Tobacco

Group wants R rating for any film with smoking via CNN.com Recently Published/Updated on 5/28/09 Oh good grief give it a rest. Does anybody not know smoking is dangerous by now? Besides, how are you going to tell the good guys from the bad guys? Or the nervous from the calm? Let's move on to more important things!

The Big Snark-Off: Information and Referral - Domestic Sciences Edition

When it isn't aggravating as hell, domestic science can be rewarding both in its results and in moments of humor. There are many great websites in and related to the domestic sciences that are quite humorous.


The Gallery of Regrettable Food was an early entry in the internet world of domestic humor. Now sadly unattended to, this site still satisfies the snarky world of weirdness that was cooking at mid-twentieth century:


"What a bleak vista to regard on a winter’s day - surreal, disturbing, hardly reassuring. Life is just a sweet, perishable thing dropped in the uncaring wastelands of ice and snow and sunless skies. What happened to the fellow who dropped this basket as he staggered across the frozen terrain? Why was he carrying unprotected fruits and vegetables across the Antarctic, anyway?"



Recommended for nostalgia and strong stomaches. Other than the tears of laughter coming from your eyes, work-suitable.

Cakewrecks is a treasure trove of snarkery.
To the Pain va Cake Wrecks by noreply@blogger.com (Jen) on 5/21/09:

"You know what every caramel cheesecake needs?

Pretty much anything but large poo-swirls topped with plastic mold-specked hot dogs and hamburgers, that's what. Although I'd be lying if I said I didn't like the little surfing 'dog on the left:

C'mon, a mini hot dog riding a poo wave? What's not to love?"

Usually but not always work-friendly, Cakewrecks is a true masterpiece. Now available via rss.

There are many non-food domestically-related sites out there. One of my favorites is What Not To Crochet. Witness: Rodents. Somehow, they’re just not decorative. via What Not to Crochet by SB&C on 12/7/08

Occasionally not-work-friendly.

Especially when crochet swimwear is presented.

Friday Good Stuff

I was all set to snark, or find dorks to spit upon today. But I remembered it was friday. So let's find some good stuff in the news, shall we?

Transgendered Persons Find Courage, Hope

Right off the bat, props to Chaz Bono. I praise her for the courage to be who he really is. And let's also be grateful for the what I hope will be positive press for our transgendered brothers and sisters. Rock on, Chaz!

Sonny and Cher's child transitioning from female to male via CNN.com Recently Published/Updated on 6/12/09

and in related news:

Born in male body, Julie knew early that she was a girl via CNN.com Recently Published/Updated on 6/12/09

Sex Department

For those who don't know, TED is a cool place for ongoing learning. Brief 20 minute lectures from experts in their fields. And yes, that includes sex. And it's both interesting and informative. Give it a whirl.

Sixteen Minutes of Orgasm via Smart Bitches, Trashy Books on 5/29/09
Mary Roach, author of Bonk: The Curious Coupling of Science and Sex, talks about 10 things you didn’t know about orgasm.

Intellectual Freedom Department

Lots of buzz about this in libraryland. Is it true? Who cares! What a cool idea from very cool kid.
illegal library in my locker? via librarian.net by jessamyn on 5/23/09

“Is it OK to run an illegal library from my locker at school?” a student asks Yahoo Answers. [thanks shannon]

Funny Picture Department

Love your animals. Care for them. Protect them. Transport them.

Things That Make the Day Go Faster - Sad Edition

Sadly, not every thing that makes the day go faster is a funny thing. Yesterday and this morning were full, rich, and yesterday sped by. Our customers were not up to their usual antics. These were Serious. These were Sad.

Yesterday morning was a sad example of public service in an urban setting. We have a wonderful teen area. Kids feel safe. Kids create. Vitality is rampant. And then a girl passes out from and OD. A first for us in the teen area. Non-Responsive. Paramedics arrived and took her to the hospital. How will she do? We do not and can not know.

We don't know her name. She is One of Ours. We'll see her again or we will not.

Within the same hour, a known sexual offender permanently trespassed appeared in the teen center sporting an ankle bracelet. The kind that tracks offenders in the community. Police were called. By the time they arrived he was already putting the moves on a girl.

We know his name. He is One of Ours. If we ever see him again, it will be a very long time.

Later in the day, while serving at a public desk, I was alerted to a regular customer snoozing in our comfy chairs. The customer usual worked the area around the front planter, helping others in need find assistance in addiction recovery. He was not only snoozing but snoring so loudly it echoed in an open area the size of a soccer field. He was roused. He was beyond tired. He was in a severely altered state, moving in slow motion, pausing to sleep on his feet and snore some more. It took half an hour to get him 10 feet to the elevator. He refused our offer to call for medical assistance and slowly walked away. This morning he was found dead in the park next door.

We knew his name. He was One of Ours. We will never see him again.

At these times, I am comforted by a Spiritual I am familiar with from the gospel group Sweet Honey in the Rock:

Cain't no one know at sunrise
how this day is gonna end.
Cain't no one know at sunset
if the next day will begin.

In this world of trouble and woe,
a Member had better be ready to go.
We look for things to stay the same,
but in the twinkling of an eye,
everything can be changed.

Cain't no one know at sunrise
how this day is gonna end.
Cain't no one know at sunset
if the next day will begin.